Bailout: A New Perspective

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” FDR

These days, it is hard for me to remember that both my husband and I have jobs, a comfortable house, more than enough food to eat, healthcare when we need it, safe, drinking water, electricity on demand, and the freedom to worship where and when we wish. We live better than 98% of the world’s population.

So, why get on board the worry train with politicians and the media? I can easily tie myself in knots over the state of the economy, the “bailout,” the stock market, the cost of gas and food, or whatever is the “worry du jour.” Then, I need to be reminded to look at these nagging concerns, fears and anxiety for what they really are: distraction. They keep me from focusing on what is really important in life.

The only bailout I need to think about is the one that happened about 2000 years ago on a hill outside Jerusalem. I’m not sticking my head in the sand, nor minimizing the very real pain many people are experiencing because of the economy, but I am trying to teach myself not to hit the panic button with every news report. I am choosing to lean on God, and trust His promises. Most importantly, I am working on my response to worry: no blood-pressure-rising knee-jerks, but steady, unfailing obedience to God’s purpose for me. My bailout involves walking by faith, rather than by sight, or fright.

Time Flies

This weekend, I experienced that feeling of time passing so quickly it slips through our fingers like water, yet also staying the same from year to year to year. Two daughters and one son and I travelled to IL for the 90th birthday of the children's grandmother Evy, (my former mother-in-law).

In the span of a few minutes, we visited the graves of my children's father and grandfather, then the house I lived in when the first two kids were babies, and "main street" Fairbury which was lined with people waiting for a homecoming parade. The house had changed enough that I passed it the first time. Trees that were saplings when we moved in thirty-five years ago now tower above the roofline, and the owners had added a front porch.

But the corn fields, the small town atmosphere, the horizon-to-horizon dark skies at night, the flies (which thankfully we don't have in FL), the crickets, and Evy never change. She has now been a part of my life for 37 years. Seems incredible. Yet there was also the sense of the fragility of life in this celebration. Evy speaks as if each day is very precious, and she might not celebrate many more birthdays, in spite of our promises to be with for her 100th birthday. How many great-granchildren will she have by then, we tried to guess?
She asked me to say the "Grace" at the family dinner. That was one of those "matriarch" moments. I am the second in line--oldest in my family and second oldest member of her family. I asked everyone to hold hands, to reach out to one another as individuals, and as one in a family. I thanked God for giving her to us and I know she was thanking Him for giving us to her.

So, hug the ones you love and hold them close today because life moves quickly, and we are here for just a blink of the eye in the universe's time. And what is most important is the love of family that transcends time.

ADULT TIME-OUT

True confession time: Want to know what I do when I am procrastinating? I clean. No, not the ordinary cleaning to keep my husband from complaining about cat hair balls on the living room carpet, nor the necessary cleaning so the Health Department won’t shut down our bathroom. Not even the annual cleaning—okay, semi-annual—cleaning out my closet.

When I am procrastinating, I clean my desk. If I am really desperate to avoid some project, I add the bookshelves in the closet next to my desk to my cleaning list.

Last year, I changed my nursing work schedule so that I have every Monday off as a “writing day.” I like to write and I always have three or four projects to work on, so why do I find myself procrastinating today? What is the problem driving me to dust behind the computer monitor?

Focus. It’s got to be focus. I’m having trouble with my focus. No, that’s not it. Motivation. I’m lacking motivation today. I wasted a Monday yesterday and unexpectedly, have today for writing. So, why am I not getting down to work? Motivation isn’t the problem.

It’s the balls. Specifically, all of the balls I juggle everyday as a wife, mother, grandmother, nurse, writer, photographer, mission leader, sister, friend and woman. Normally, these roles all flow together seamlessly as I cruise through life at warp speed. So, why am I hitting a speed bump today? Aren’t women wired to manage simultaneously multiple roles and responsibilities without batting an eye? We couldn’t raise children without being able answer the phone, stir the soup and step between a toddler and the cat he’s chasing all in one smooth, effortless motion. My husband cannot fathom how I can plug in the I-pod earbuds and read a book while I’m on the treadmill at the gym.

Are there times in our lives when we need to shut off speed control and focus? If God speaks to us in still, small whispers, do we need to take a time-out and listen?

A Time-out. Works for kids. “Go to your room and think about what you have done.” I’m smiling inside. I love my room. It’s neat-messy. On my desk are colorful paperclips, raspberry scrap paper and neon push pins. The bulletin boards are covered with stuff I couldn’t figure out where else to store. There’s a pen holder my granddaughters made with their pictures wrapped around it. The computer monitor displays my photos on the desktop. A handful of books sit within reach. There are three stacks of papers on the desk—two for current projects and one of to-be-filed papers. My clock actually ticks and the sound keeps the room from getting too quiet.

Thinking isn’t something I have a lot of time for. Certainly not something I’d waste time on. It’s my punishment today. But hey, thinking about what I have done is a wonderfully-affirming exercise. I have raised 5 children solo, single-handedly and proudly. And, they’ve given me 9+ wonderful grandchildren. I have five published books and have recently begun selling photographs. Last month, I made 93 cents from a new website. (in 150 years, I’ll be able to retire on that income!) I take on new projects fairly easily and love a challenge. But I’m also more of an idea person than a do-it worker-bee. I’m a list-maker. I’m a procrastinator.